Blonde & Blonder strike back!

Dear fan club,

It´s official – Blonde & Blonder are finally back! Hurrah! I´m sure you missed us like Blonder misses a glass of rose every morning. But let´s get to the point- we´re not here to talk nonsense, as you all know. We´re here to share our great stories with you! So this is what happened…

On a beautiful Friday night, Blonde & Blonder decided to go to a champagne bar- we´re 30 now, we´re ladies! Two bottles later (we were with the three of us, so don´t judge us!) we decided to visit our most loyal fan, La Toya, at city-boy restaurant Barbecoa- full of posh people sipping wine. Perfect!

A few bottles and loads of meat later (thanks to the amazing butler working there) the restaurant was closing down and…we were invited to join the staff at their local pub. LOCAL PUB?! Sounded like heaven! Of course we joined in.

Another three bottles later, Blonde & Blonder had managed to harrass all staff of Barbecoa (including La Toya), annoy the bar staff with music requests (they didn´t have David Hasselhoff!! whattt??) and danced with everyone who wasn´t quick enough to get away. Oh and just to clarify- the pub wasn´t made for dancing.

Strangely, none of us remembers the rest of the night- someone must have spiked one of our 7x wine bottles!! Ever since that night, we have received several emails from people claiming they had met us that night (nonsense!! Never heard of them!), or other silly questions like “did you sleep with all 3 of them”?? No, of course not.

We did learn a very important lesson though: do not take business cards with you when out with Blonder (who cares about the 7x bottles of wine?!)!

The day that blonde & blonder split up… temporarily!

Dear friends,

Most of you have heard the sad news already- blonde & blonder have decided to take a break and go their own ways for 3 months. It all happened when blonder decided to go travelling for 3 months, and blonde decided this was THE chance to join the AA.

Of course this is just a temporary solution, and what better way announcing our brief split than with a properly messy, noisy and chaotic Friday night binge??!  Some of you have experienced it first hand- and the oneS who can still remember details of the evening, congratulations (also, can you give me a call and fill me in?) !!

It all started at 3pm on Friday, 9th of March 2012 (tamtamtammm…drums noise…), when blonde found the media stock of champagne and 2x champagne magnums in the fridge. What a coincidence!! This had to be a sign, so we opened the champagne and decided it was time to start celebrating. 3 bottles later, the first guests arrived, an the fun could officially start! Next to speeches, gifts and loving good-bye cards (mine read: “you are my favorite homosexual), there was also loads of dancing and other fun- see a brief list below:

– A moustache on a straw
– A dutch boy rolling on the floor, saying he was break-dancing
– Tearful, drunk girls
– Scooter music and other classy happy hardcore
– More guests that, unfortunately, blonde cannot remember
– Slating a certain colleague that luckily had left the party by then
– More champagne that we found in the fridge (what a coincidence!!)
– 2x drunk boyfriends, of which one had long hair growing out of his ear
– A taxi trip to Exhibit in Balham, during which the taxi driver p***ed himself with laughter about a story from the dutch boy (breakdancer)
– Wild dancing in Exhibit that blonde doesn’t remember (do you see a pattern yet??)
– Chicken burger and chips

As you can see it was great successs- and really time to join the AA! Of ourse blonde and blonder miss each other incredibly, and text each other regular abuse on the mobile phone. And, although blonde & blonder won’t work together in the near future, this doesn’t stop them from attending great events and sharing our adventures with you all!

Lots of love & cheers ears!

The 30-day Cellulite Plan…

Another month has been flying by without a blog entry-sorry! And don’t worry…we are not going to discuss our cellulite spots or how to loose them, although we’re heading towards bikini season and are not 16 anymore (dammit!!)!

No, this story is, once more, about a wonderful event we attended – WOMAC, woman on the move against cancer, which we attend each year with our gang. I won’t go into any details, let’s just say that each year they’ve got loads of wine and mini burgers, and a fabulous tombola, at which we always scoop amazing prices.

Just to give you a few examples… two years ago, blonde won a huge book called “British Landscapes”, which was very beautiful, but so heavy and big that it wouldn’t fit in any of the boxes when moving. It now lives in a charity shop. Blonder won a huge bag of Maltesers which was inhaled the day after the party and probably the best price we have ever won!
Last year, blonde won the book “The girl’s car handbook”, a great feminist book about girls and cars. While slating the book, she realised a grumpy, small women was sitting next to her who turned out to be the author of the book. Oops! To make up for this uncomfortable situation, blonde asked the author to sign the book, which she happily did! No one has seen the book ever since.

Following these absolutely overwhelming prices, we couldn’t wait for this years tombola! And we certainly weren’s disappointed… out of the 20 tickets we bought, blonder was the lucky one to win even two prices. While waiting in anticipation what the price would be this year, blonde & blonder were checking out the table full of gifts: books about cheese & wine (yum!), a sleigh (looked very cool!), and even some toys to play with in the water (no naughty toys girls!)! And then blonder’s prices arrived…. Carol Vorderman’s 30 DAY CELLULITE PLAN!!!!!

…oh, and let’s not forget the 2nd price… a pack of vegetable seeds to grow in your garden. HAPPY FRIDAY!!

Happy 2012!!

Dear friends (at least the 4 of you who read our blog;-)),

SORRY WE HAVE ABANDONED YOU FOR ONE MONTH!! It was blonde’s fault.

But, to make it up to you, we have done our best and collected a few memorable moments of December. Just for you guys, to make the stories more entertaining, we got drunk, started congas, mooned, and did anything we could to make fools out of ourselves…

…which leads us to the office Christmas party! Well, what can I say… by 6pm, I looked over to blonde (strategically placed opposite me during dinner), and caught her drinking her Bellini through a straw in her nose. This was BEFORE the dinner  had even started. Anything after that is censored, unfortunately.
The Christmas break lasted for 2 weeks – the longest blonde and blonder have been apart in a while!- which meant we were both safe & sound.

Back at work at the beginning of January, our brains were mashed potato, so we discussed important things such as “the most idiotic names to give your kids”- we thought sausage & mash for twins would be a good one!

Luckily, this nonsense changed soon at The London Boat Show, where we were first of all treated to a tour around the Olympic site. It was really impressive! Until we heard that our client managed to get several tickets to the games… how they got all those tickets? Well, £20,000 worth of tickets was booked off their account, but luckily they didn’t have to keep them all. As you do…

Arriving at the Boat Show, we remembered that our beloved champagne client had several bars (yes, we remembered that!) and treated us to a few welcome drinks. The Boat Show was very exciting all the sudden (even though it was at the Excel, East London??!!).

Currently blonde is at a fair in Geneva, and I’m sure that she is misbehaving properly (although surrounded by important people), so she will tell you a good story once she’s back!

Peace

The big bad wolf…

Still traumatised by Duck Sauces ‘Big Bad Wolf’ video… in preparation of tomorrow’s entry, check this (worth creating a YouTube account…trust me)!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/verify_age?next_url=/watch%3Fv%3D5NeG2p6F5KU

The innocent pleasures of binoculars

Another week, another adventure! Unfortunately, this week didn’t involve David Gandy (except for a few naughty photos blonder downloaded from Google), however there’s always something else worth telling you about… this week, it is a pair of binoculars. No, we are not joking: a pair of binoculars!!

It all happened on Tuesday night at the Battery Club, Canary Wharf. Very upset that we had to travel further than 10 minutes (Blonde: “What?? The event is not in Mayfair??! Looosers!!”), that it was raining, stormy and that we had already lost both of our umbrellas, we made our way down to Canary Wharf.

Our mood got much better when, upon arrival in CW, we passed the Virgin Gym right next to the Battery Club- the swimming pool and gym had huge glass windows with some nice arms on show!! However, after 5 minutes of staring we realised that this was not why we had travelled to Canary Wharf, and finally entered the Club. Even though this was not Mayfair, we were very impressed! The view was absolutely beautiful: third floor, next to the river with top-to-bottom windows, we could overlook the skyscrapers of Canary Wharf, the city, the big eye and even the Shard.

Friendly as always, we chatted to about two people before we found IT……. a pair of binoculars right be the huge window!! We couldn’t believe our luck. Within a few minutes, blonde and blonder had explored the various sights of London (Westminster, Tower Bridge, Shard), until we found something MUCH more exciting….

…The neighbours flat!!! HURRAY!!! With 3 big windows, we were sure to get some good sights. Binoculars ready, all sharp and set, glass of wine in our hand- this was better than any film!! one minute…..two minutes…..five minutes…nothing happened…

…and then we had to leave. I know, what an anti-climax, and we hadn’t even seen any neighbour action!!! Once more, we were very upset and left the party (Canary Wharf sucks after all), with the binocluars still in place for the next person (we hope you had some nice surprises!!). And decided that binoculars are cool, but binoculars in Mayfair would be even cooler.

Long live the blonde & blonder snobs!!

When B&B met David Gandy

At the beginning of this week, we were scared to look into our diaries- 2 events every night, at least… however, a bottle of Rose later on Tuesday night, we absolutely loved our week already! Wiggling from Soho to Mayfair to Temple to Kentish Town, in our very trendy white Primani sneakers (£2.50, can quickly be exchanged for heels- our favourites!!), the highlight of the week must have been Wednesday night: the launch of Rankin’s “The Hunger”.

Set in a photo studio in Kentish Town, we were queuing up between a bunch of very trendy looking people before entering the packed but impressive venue. After finding the bar we were all realxed and ready for a great evening- until David Gandy squeezed by. We were NOT relaxed anymore. Now here’s the thing: usually, we don’t really get excited about celebrities- and that’s not because we are cool, but simply because we don’t recognize them. However, we DO know that Armani poster, and certainly did recognise the Gandy! WHAT TO DO??!!

Glancing around, everybody was still very relaxed. So what else to do then blending in with the crowd, and just squeezing past him very cool to find the smoking corner? While squeezing past, Blonde suddenly thought it was a great idea to…..grind against his leg. She just couldn’t help it. At the same time, Blonder couldn’t stop staring at his nipples and drooling. Comment: “They were very hard”.

We didn’t see David after this anymore, and left the party soon after to get lost in the local pub. Still gutted we didn’t ask for his phone number instead!

Blonde and Blonder have finally made it!

Fancy dress Monday’s at work: check. Participating in Movember as a girl and thinking it’s incredibly funny: check. Eating 3 McDonalds in one day (or more if possible): check. An absurd love for potatos: check. Night-view goggles on Christmas list: check.

If you can identify with these statements- welcome to the special world of blonde and blonder!! No day goes by without an adventure – and yes, we do consider changing each other’s screensaver without getting caught as a GREAT adventure!